A Big Indian Family

I want to pen down some of my thoughts after my encounter with a big Indian family who consider themselves as the epitome of love, unity and cultural values. 

But is that really true, do they really understand the true meaning of love and unity? If you see through my lens I don't think they do. I have seen a lot of Indian families who have completely misunderstood the term "Indian Culture" and hide their deep rooted hypocrisy by calling their controlling behaviour as family values and culture.

I want to highlight this point with some examples here and would like to welcome everyone to share their perspective on the same.

Scenario 1

Everyone eats together. So, this family proudly says that being in the joint family give them the privilege to eat together and it feels nice when the whole family sits together for dinner on various occasions.

Do you see anything wrong in the statement? I am sure no one will, it actually looks like an advantage of a big Indian family. But I see the hypocrisy in the statement, i'll tell you how.

While everyone eats together, the women in this family are actually busy serving hot chapatis as everyone likes to eat hot chapatis here and the women usually like to eat later after the family is served well. I won't even go to the feminist angle here, my only point for now is that I can't say that everyone is eating together in this scenario as for me everyone means every member of the family.

Scenario 2

The family discusses before taking any decisions for a member of this family. Again, the women in family won't be the part of these discussions as their opinion hardly matters. And the final decision will always be of the head of family, and no one dares to question that decision. And if someone tries to go against the decision, they'll be discarded from the family and will be labelled as disrespectful and rebels.

Why the labels? Because someone wanted to make their own decisions in life. Should we call it love and respect? No it is classic example of control. For me this family is united out of control and not out of love and respect for each other. A family discussion should be a healthy way for everyone to be entitled to their opinions and not something to be forced on everyone in the name of respect.

Scenario 3

Everyone needs to follow some rules of the house. For example: Women in the family needs to cover their head in front of men to show respect.

People are allowed to skip these rules if they are not living in the house but need to follow it during their stay in that house. I mean how can it be a family when you can't be your real self in the house and you need to act to satisfy these rules and regulations. Is such house really built on respect and love or it is just a facade created to show the world?

Having said that, if anyone thinks I have any issue with a joint family, no I don't. It is actually very nice to have a big family by you side through your ups and downs. 

But for me an ideal big family would be the one where each individual have the right to have their own identity, own likes and dislikes, where everyone feels free to be who they are, where they stay together for love and not because of the control. And most important is where everyone understands the concept of personal space and boundaries.